Musical Obsessions Part Two. The Wedding Present.

Let me start off by saying that I never went to university but I liked the music, in fact I was a bit of a scally in my youth, but was drawn to music that many of my peers would look upon as soppy student shite.
I was obviously well into The Smiths, Joy Division and the like but usually spent my hard earned dole money of following Manchester City rather than attending many gigs.
Now that I think about it, maybe my choice in music reflected my choice of football team.
And so I generally wallowed in misery for most of the 80's thanks to my record collection and Man City.

Fast forward to 1987 and one Friday after a night out in Middleton, I put the telly on while devouring a Chinese take-away and tuned into Anthony H. Wilson's late night TV show "The other side of midnight". One of the featured musical guests was a band I had never heard of before, The Wedding Present. "From Leeds" said Tony..... err I mean Anthony and they performed "Nobody's twisting your arm"
I was taken by the gruff voiced lead singer wearing a dodgy shirt and my interest was peaked when Wilson mentioned their new album "George Best".

Now as a Manchester City fan I am supposed to hate anything to do with the other lot from Stretford, but to be honest George was my one of my favourite footballers of all time, he was a joy to watch and I would have sold my soul to the devil if he could have played for City.
I went out and bought the album the very next day, the cover was a thing of beauty and the music was instantly loveable. I researched this "Leeds" band and discovered that David and Pete Solowka were from my hometown of Middleton, we already had The Chameleons, so they'd do for me. Plus I do believe that TWP were the first band to be dubbed The "new" Smiths after they split, I was fated to love them really.

In March of 1988 I moved to Los Angeles leaving behind my friends, family, football team and most of my record collection.
After what seems like ages in the wilderness I found an American friend (Brett) who liked the same kind of music as I did and we'd attend gigs together and spend hours scouring the racks in L.A. record stores.
The release of Bizarro came and went, I originally owned in on cassette. Then finally The Wedding Present were to make their L.A. debut promoting the "newish" album and on Wednesday June 27th 1990 they were playing at the world famous Whisky A Go Go.
Brett and I bought our tickets, they were $15.50 each and we found out that the band were also scheduled to appear at Moby Disc in Sherman Oaks on the day of the gig for a meet and greet.
"Ooooo, we've got to go to that"

We were hoping for a performance at the record store, but no such luck, it was just a signing.
Unfortunately I had turned up empty handed with nothing to sign, but a quick trip to the "W" section soon remedied that and I picked up a used CD copy of The Peel Sessions for $1.49. All the band except for Simon (He didn't play on it) signed the cover, I also helped myself to a promo photo and had that signed.
The band thought it would be a bit of a laugh to sign their names under the wrong face. I introduced myself and informed David and Pete that I was from Middleton as well, they seemed mildly underwhelmed and were more interested in the American teenager wearing a Chameleons shirt.
After the signing Brett and I headed off to Hollywood for the gig. We decided to grab something to eat and found a cheap Italian restaurant across the street from The Roxy, we walked in and were mortified to see the band already in there for their pre-gig meal.
"We can't eat in here" I said to Brett, "They might recognise us and think we have followed them"
So we grabbed a couple of hotdogs from the AM PM gas station further down on Sunset Blvd.
The gig was excellent and afterwards I bought Bizarro on CD and had another brief chat with David.
And so this scenario was repeated with TWP and later Cinerama whenever they played L.A., I'd go to the gig and try and chat to David after the show.
To me it really wasn't really so much a case of hero worship, I was the only Mancunian I knew in Thousand Oaks and David was from my hometown, so I felt obliged to talk to him after gigs.
Nearly two decades later after many run ins with David Lewis Gedge I found out he was relocating to Los Angeles for a few months so I sent Jessica an e-mail containing points of interest for an exiled Brit. Which pubs showed the English footy, where to buy your Heinz baked beans etc, etc.....
This act of randomness from me resulted in an unexpected bonus, David got in touch and asked if I wanted to meet up and hang out.
Kin'ell, my years of semi-stalking had actually paid off.
A couple of years on I find myself as one of David and Jessica's L.A. regular contacts and usually see them when they visit. To be honest it's no big deal now, I basically just view him as "David from Middleton" although the other week I did stop and think "Bloody hell, I just made breakfast for David Gedge from The Wedding Present"
For the record, he wolfed down the veggie omelette but didn't touch the hash browns.

All I want for Christmas is an 80's casual flashback.

My (latest) Adidas.
Trimm Trab, a true casual classic.


We went up to the Camarillo Adidas outlet in order to get Liam a pair of decent trainers for Christmas.
Found him a pair of navy and white Gazelle's for $39.99. Not a bad price really, then one of the attendants informed us that they were having a "Buy one pair get the second pair 50% off sale"
"Hmmm, I'll have a bit of that" I thought.
I scanned the shelves and there wasn't really much available to be honest, then in the clearance section I spotted them, a pair of retro two tone blue Trimm Trab.
They were only priced at $29.99, sold!!!!!!
When I got to the register not only were they half off but they were mislabelled and should have been $19.99, bloody result or what?
So I ended up paying $9.98 for them.
All I needed was a Slazenger jumper, a pair of Lois cords and a wig with a "perry boy" flicker fringe on it and I would have been all set for a midweek visit to Grimsby on a Yelloways coach.
Ha, it doesn't take much to get me excited huh?

The Bobby Mancity era.

"Mark who? I'm the f**king daddy now Robinho"


New City boss Roberto Mancini got off to a great start today.
I was impressed with the entire team, maybe with the exception of Robinho who was a little rusty.
A solid performance against an always awkward Stoke City, Vincent Kompany led by example at the back.
The midfield was excellent and Tevez was tireless, weighing in with a kung fu volley.
Bellamy might have been rightfully disappointed to have not started, but I suspect he was rested and being saved for the big test for Wolves away on Monday. He did great when he came on though and seemed happy to be playing.
We just seemed a bit more confident today and knocked the ball around nicely.
I do think Hughes was a bit hard done by, but I am excited by the new/new era and think we can only improve as the season goes on.

Estrellas in their eyes

Spot the white guys. Shocker and me playing for Estrellas 1988.



Me before the cup final at Birmingham High School. November 1988.



Estrellas at Pacoima Junior High


Way way back in 1988 when I first came to America, I was soon joined by my mate from Middleton, Ian Shaughnessy aka Shocker.
We both played for the Woodman in the Blackley league and decided we wanted to have a kick around on a Sunday in the Golden State to keep ourselves sane.
So one weekend we ventured over to nearby Balboa Park and walked around asking various teams if they needed players.
Balboa Park in 1988 on a Sunday afternoon was completely full of young Latino males playing "futbol" there wasn't a white face to be seen apart from the obligatory LAPD squad car that continually circled the fields on the lookout for trouble.
Our enquiries were met with blank stares until we talked to a white haired older Mexican gentleman named Anselmo Hernandez.

"Do you need players?" we asked
"Err si, do you play" he replied
"Of course, we're English, from Inglaterra mate"
Thank god we had remembered the Spanish word for England from the 86 World Cup.
Anselmo looked at the Derby County shirt I was wearing, I had bought it from the market in Middleton for 2 quid, not a fan of the Rams, but it was dirt cheap.
He pointed at the Derby badge.
"You play for them in Inglaterra?"
"No"
"Si, you play for them"
"No, it's just a shirt, we didn't play for them"
"Okay, si"
We gave up at that point.
Anslemo told us to come to his fortified house in a dodgy Van Nuys neighbourhood during the week and to bring pictures and he would take a gamble and sign us up without actually seeing us play.
After all we were ex-Derby County players so we couldn't be that bad, right?
"Do you think he's a drug dealer?" asked Shocker on the way home.
"Could be" I replied.
We thought everyone was a drug dealer back then, especially the Mexicans you'd see on the San Fernando Valley streets selling oranges and flowers. We thought they had the perfect "cover" but looking back we were just naive and the cops would have been all over them.

Well we did the deed, got signed up and we set to make our debuts the following Sunday, except I managed to stab myself with a Bowie knife in the thigh. An accident that required 70 odd stitches.
Me and Shocker showed up that Sunday and announced I couldn't play on account of my knife wound.
"Were you on drugs man?" one asked
"No" I said
"Were you drunk then?"
"No, I just did it by accident"
They all looked at each other.
"Fucking loco" said one, they all laughed and nodded in agreement.
The game started and Shocker was playing while I was interrogated on the sideline
"So Andres" said one "Tell us about the Ingles"
"Errr, well we are like the Mexicans of Europe"
They looked puzzled.
"We love to drink, play football, fight, fuck and nobody likes us"
Again they all nodded and laughed, we fit right in.
Shocker of course took the game by storm. He was small even by Mexican standards but they were amazed by his ability to take a kicking, get up and carry on playing unaffected. He scored two goals as well which was a bonus.
After the match was over I presented Anslemo with the Derby County shirt that he so admired.
"You play for them in Inglaterra?" he asked again
"No"
He walked over to the rest of the team and I could tell he was informing them that his latest two signings were ex-Derby County players as he pointed at the shirt and then pointed back at the two pasty gringo's.
As the next week was easter there was no game and in between I had my stitches taken out.
I was ready to make my debut, they put me and Shocker up front against some pretty rubbish opposition, I scored 4 and Shocker got another 2 in the first half.
At the start of the second they informed us that we were done for the day. We were both shocked and pissed off until we were told that this was the 2nd team and we were now promoted to the 1st team who were playing immediately afterwards.
Back then of course we were younger, skinnier and a hell of a lot fitter so we came to an arrangement where we would play for both teams on a Sunday. I'd play up front for the 2nd team and then slot in at the back for the 1st team.
Shocker played in midfield or up front for either team depending on his mood.
Frequently our games would be delayed because a massed brawl would break out. The usual decorum for us two would be to sit down in the centre circle and wait for things to boil over. Now I think I can handle myself but getting into a massive brawl with a bunch of Mexicans is not wise as it could easily turn into "Kill whitey" so we kept out of it and to their credit, nobody ever bothered us.

It was also during my tenure in the San Fernando League that I scored my greatest ever goal.
We were playing a match at Pacoima Junior High (Richie Valens' alma matter).
I was playing as centre forward and during one attack somebody drove a low pass across the pitch, I had over ran the ball and stopped dead, the ball hit my out stretched heel and pinged in the air looping down right in front of me, I volleyed the ball before it could hit the ground and it flew right into the roof of the net from 25 yards out.
It was complete fluke how the ball ended up in front of me for the shot but my team mates were convinced that I had meant it.
"Maradona" screamed one of them.
"No, it was an accident, a lucky goal" I protested, but they were having none of it of course, they knew I had played for Derby County and was obviously just being really modest.
Anyway Shocker eventually returned to England and I continued to play for Estrellas as the lone Englishman and the lone white guy in the league.
We ended the season in second place and got to the cup final. It was played in front of about 2000 spectators at Birmingham High School. During the game I was racially abused, had bottles thrown at me, I loved it, it was my proudest moment as a footy player.
The opposing supporters went mental when I elbowed on of their players in the face forcing him to be subbed with a bloody nose.
Late on in the match we were losing 3-2 when I pushed forward and hit the crossbar with a 30 yard shot, cue more abuse.
Then the game was over and we had lost, their fans invaded the pitch instantly and I thought that I was going to get a bit of a slap as loads of them made a bee line for me.
"Here we go" I thought
"Nice game white boy" I was patted on the back by dozens of Mexican strangers and many more wanted to shake my hand.
While I was disappointed to lose the game I was pretty pleased by my performance and the reception of the crowd, for 90 minutes I almost felt like a "proper" footballer.

The clock's ticking Sparky.

Despite being "unbeaten" in 12 games, let's face the Chelsea result was the only one worth shouting about.
Well they were bloody awful at Spurs tonight, how long before the owners take action?
I've lost faith to be honest, we have drawn far too many games we should have won during this run.
Hull? Fulham? Bloody Burnley??????
Taxi for Hughes.

Hopeless in Seattle, the LA Galaxy in the MLS Cup Final.

Outside the Hawk's Nest Pub, Seattle.


Bizzarro Restaurant.


Seamonster Lounge.


My stalker, Miss Galaxy



So, Mark and I went to Seattle this weekend for the MLS Cup Final.
We have been going to watch them all season and decided weeks ago to go to the final regardless of who made it there.
As luck would have it the Galaxy scraped their way through. Now Beckham and co aren't a bad team, they have a great keeper, a decent back four and one of the best midfield's in the MLS.
The main problem is that they have absolutely nothing up front, their attack is as toothless as Shane MacGowan.
Edsen Buddle and Alan Gordon would have struggled to get a game for teams I have coached in the Tri-County Soccer League.
Buddle can't jump or run and is African American, my theory is that he was adopted by an elderly white couple from Encino. He plays with his head down and never seems remotely interested. Alan Gordon while certainly enthusiastic, is fucking awful, a touch like a baby elephant and lacking in even the ability to trap a bag of cement. Now when I was a young and lean amateur player I was a half decent Sunday league forward, but now that I'm old fat and slow, I'd still be more useful to the L.A. Galaxy than either one of this pair.
Beckham was playing with Kaka, Pato and Ronaldinho this time last year, how he must love playing with Gordon and Buddle.
No wonder he's back off on the first plane to Milan this week to prepare for next summer's World Cup Finals in South Africa.
Anyway the soccer media had installed the Galaxy as hot favourites for the final, but Mark and I had our doubts, Real Salt Lake had a good team, decent forwards and nothing to lose.
We flew up to Seattle, hung out with my Wedding Present buddy Fergal, got drunk a few times, took some touristy pictures and generally had a great time thanks to our fantastic Nottingham Forest loving Irish host.
The day of the match, we headed to the Hawks Nest pub and got drunk with other like minded Galaxy fans.
We met a Middlesbrough fan in the bar who wears a pithe helmet for Galaxy matches. We chatted for a while, he was a top bloke. Then I asked him where abouts in L.A. he lived in and he said he still lived in Middlesbrough and just flies out here for the craic and to attend Galaxy games. Fuck me, I know the Boro are dire these days, but flying out from the UK to watch the Galaxy is a bit much, he must have more money than sense.
Oh well, he's a top bloke and if it makes him happy, then more power to him.
We'll look him up next season at the Home Depot Center and share a can of lager or two or three or more.
We had a bit of fun with a bucket (long story) and ran into Miss L.A. Galaxy again.
I honestly think she must be stalking me or something.
At the stadium we met Galaxy legends Mauricio Cienfuegos and Kevin Hartman, it is nice to see them still cheering on their old team.
The game was a bit predictable, Real were slightly the better team and the Galaxy barely troubled them offensively. We had key players missing with illness and then Donovan Ricketts got injured so we had to waste one of our substutions replacing him with Josh Saunders. In the dreaded shoot out Beckham buried his kick, Berthalter did likewise. Up next was Landon and he never misses from the spot. Unfortunately the giant screen in the stadium showed two of his pk kicks just before the shoot out. My feeling is that he changed his usual tactic of putting to the left or right of the watching RSL keeper and opted to bury it just under the crossbar instead.
This didn't do us any good as he put it so far over the net that people on top of the Space Needle reportedly ducked.
The equally dire Jovan Kirovski missed another and the final lick came down to my favourite Galaxian Edsen Buddle. He trudged over from the halfway line like a deadman walking. "Look at the fucker" I said "he's gonna miss"
"Aye" replied Mark.
He walked up to the ball and basically rolled the ball back to the keeper and the final was over as soon as the ball left his foot. RSL just about deserved to be champions. Beckham was about the only one to show any class and walked over to the RSL coach and team after they got their hands on the trophy, congratulating each and every one of them while his team mates slunk off back to the dressing room, heads bowed.
Despite the game, we had a great weekend thanks to Fergal and his mates.
Hopefully the Galaxy will keep most of the squad intact for next year and add a couple of forwards. If they insist on keeping Buddle and Gordon maybe they could have them sell hot dogs inside the stadium, this is really all they are fit for.

Hmmm, what's been going on recently then?

I've been slacking on the blogger front of late.
It's a familiar story, I first start a blog, it's shiny and new and I'm blogging my ass off. Then after a while I get a bit bored with it and slowly but surely everything kind of comes to a standstill. Sure I could blame it on the lack of feedback from my massive following of five, but deep down I know it's down to me.
So what have I been up to then?
Well the work situation is shit, I was busy for a while covering almost every square inch of the downstairs at the wonderful Forbes-Black family home. I originally went over there to just paint the gazebo but after working there for almost two months I had refinished the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, built a custom made island, made a breakfast bar, tiled the kitchen counter top and hallway counters, tiled the floors in the kitchen and bathrooms, painted the entire downstairs, the gazebo and finally built a fence for the pool equipment.... phew!!!!
Not only were they lovely people for keeping me busy, but they were without a doubt the nicest family I have worked for. Ade and Clare were great and the kids Lola and Luke were both adorable and charming, hell I even got along with the dog.



Forbes-Black bathroom cabinets.



The Forbes-Black finished kitchen.

I have also been attending LA Galaxy home games with my old mate Mark from Swindon, this weekend for our pains we will be flying up to Seattle to watch them try and win their 3rd MLS Cup against Real Salt Lake, it won't be easy, but I think we can do it. I'll probably post a blog regarding that trip next week.



Me and Kellie's "other" boyfriend.



Miss Galaxy and friends with me at the Home Depot Centre.


On the concert front it has been a bit quiet, since we saw Camera Obscura on Kellie's birthday in June we've seen Terry De Castro 3 times, Franz Ferdinand, Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker, Trashcan Sinatras, The Jet Age, She wants Revenge, Echo and the Bunnymen perform Ocean Rain with a full orchestra and last week we saw The Cribs featuring my musical idol Johnny Marr, they were all great gigs, hopefully 2010 will see us go to a few more.

Fingers crossed on the work front, I've been temping with Labor Ready, it's shit money and quite depressing, but it puts a bit of money in my pocket and food on the table, it just kills me that these people take the piss expecting you to work your ass off for a pittance and then act like your should fellate them for doing you a favour.
As usual my so-called friends have been a great help on this score and I'm really getting along with the ex-wife.... NOT!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving is coming up, hmmmm, watch this space.

The Echo Curio. Saturday November 14th.

Terry De Castro's first solo gig at Crane's Hollywood Tavern.




Terry's second gig at the Hotel Cafe.



Terry supporting The Jet Age at The Echo Curio

SETLIST:
(Featuring Simone White)

The Great Avalanche
The Sun is Always Sweetest
East St. O'Neill
Starry Eyed
To Love You
Dalliance (Featuring 2/3 of The Jet Age)




A bit of a strange gig this one.
I had never heard of the Echo Curio before never mind been there, but when I found out that Wedding Present bassist Terry De Castro was playing I thought we'd give it a try.
Terry informed us that she was just performing a short opening set for The Jet Age. I'd never really heard them before so I checked out their myspaz page and was pleasently surprised, hell one of their songs "O Calendar" even sounded like TWP's "Click Click"
Anyway Terry also let us know that not only was it just $5 on the door for a night that included five (count 'em, five) bands, but you could also bring your own alcohol.... SOLD!!!!!!

Kellie and I started off the night by meeting up with Dolly and Paul for dinner, two lovely people we know through our WP connections.
We went to Bulan Vegan Thai Restaurant.
Now Kellie and I are not vegans, but we've been to this place before and it has such delicious food that even the most avid carnivore would love it.
A fine time was had by all, we had great food, great service and then it was off to the Curio for the gig. We were greeted by Terry, her main man Andrew and Simone White outside, paid the five bucks and sheepishly walked in with our booze. I opted for the Fresh and Easy brand "Taurino" beer which Paul reckoned looked like an energy drink, he's right, but they are still pretty good and cheap ($9.99 for an 18 pack) while Kellie had a bottle of red wine. Dolly presented me with a bottle of micro brew ale which I'll save for a special occasion.
The "venue" was actually a small shop that from what I could make out doubled as a used record store/art gallery.
Well it certainly had character.
The gig was great, a bit short, but Terry was just opening.
She has really gotten better (her own words) live over the past few months since I last saw her. This isn't to say she wasn't up to scratch before, but after a few weeks of opening for TWP on tour in the UK you could definetely hear the difference, to be honest I just think she had gotten over the nervousness of being the main focus onstage. After about 20 minutes she announced that this was her last song and she was then joined by two members of The Jet Age for a rowdy version of Dalliance.
It was brash and loud and despite the drums getting a bit overbearing towards the end she left the floor to generous applause.
Jet Age came on next and informed the audience that free ear plugs were available because "They were loud"
Well they certainly were and then some, I enjoyed the show but us old folk in the audience went outside and listened from behind the window.
We decided not to stay for the other bands as we had a bit of a long drive home as did Dolly and Paul.
Despite us wimping out and going home "early" it still was a great night and dirt cheap by L.A. standards.
Dinner = $30
Booze = Free
Gig = $5 for five bands
Hanging out with Dolly, Paul, Terry and Andrew = Priceless.

www.myspace.com/thejetage
www.myspace.com/terrydecastro
www.echocurio.com

Punctured bicycle on a hillside desolate.....

Will nature make a man of me yet?
NOPE.
Anyway last week I was riding my bike around Simi, while running some errands.
As I was passing the entrance to the strip mall featuring Jons and CVS on Cochran some woman pulled out onto the street hitting me with her car, I rolled across the hood/bonnet and ended up in the middle of the road.
My life literally did flash before my eyes on my way down.
Luckily no other cars were coming or I may have been seriously hurt or even worse.
After the shock of being hit quickly wore off and I realised that I was completely unhurt, I got up and checked to see if "SHE" was okay.
To be honest she was in worse shape than I was, she was pretty shaken up and I thought she was going to break down and cry at any moment.
I really can't stand to see a woman cry.
I ended comforting her and letting her know I was fine and not to worry, although the side panel of her car was pretty fucked up.
***Note to self. Start new diet next Monday***
People pulled over in their cars and thrust their phone number upon me swearing they'd be my witness. Witness to what? I'm fine, the poor lady made a mistake and I'm unhurt and now armed with some cracking dinner conversation that further proves how hard I am. ;)
She insisted that she would buy me a new bike, but I settled on letting them take the bike to the repair shop and fixing the wheel.
I also noted that my Puma Roma trainers were little worse for wear and the lady's father-in-law graciously gave me a a cheque for $100, result as they only cost $40.
I suppose with this being California I could taken her to court to "sue her ass" but I'm English and clearly above that sort of thing.
Besides, although I'm not exactly a god fearing man I do kind of believe in karma. My gut feeling is if I tried to screw somebody over it would eventually come back to bite me in the ass and I really wasn't harmed in any way and needed no medical treatment at all.
I think I did the right thing and was pretty proud of the way I handled the situation.

The season so far

Three wins out of three up to now for City, four if you count the League Cup.
Adebayor has been awesome so far scoring in each league game despite friends who are Arsenal fans saying "We'd be sorry for signing him".
Can't argue with his early season record and he looks like he hasn't hit peak form yet. Give him and the rest of the squad a bit more time to gel and we'll really be flying, I hope.
Gareth Barry has been immense. He has always been a player I've admired, but you just don't realise how good he is until he plays for your team. He covers every inch of the pitch and never seems to tire.
These two along with the likes of SWP, De Jong, Ireland, Toure, Lescott, Robinho, Bellamy, Petrov, Richards, many others and Shay in net make me feel pretty confident of a top six finish.
We only got two away wins all season last year and we have already equalled that, I'm predicting good times ahead.
Fingers crossed for the next two games.

Toure signs.

A bit of class at the back, yes please. That shirt is huge, is it a gift for me?

Adebayor Signs.

Well that's the forwards sorted out, the midfield is okay for now but the back four badly needs a bit of steel though.
Lescot would do nicely.

Things are shaping up nicely.

Who's next?

David Gedge's Barmy Army (On tour with The Wedding Present part III)

Back at the hotel after the gig, we bought a large case of lager and settled in at Kirk's room for a music quiz ending to the night. I was teamed with Harry and fell asleep, I think we lost.
We set off early from Portland the next morning for the long drive up to Canada.
Along the way we stopped at Jessica's mums house and picked up mine and Kellie's missing passports, after I skillfully out manoeuvred our "follower" on Interstate 5.
The next port of call was lunch, we stopped at a wonderful Mexican restaurant where despite his hatred of cheese (mentalist) even even Peter enjoyed his meal. It really was one of the better meals of our entire trip, and thoroughly enjoyable as we say there ate, drank, chatted and chilled for a couple of hours. The owner was delightful as well and graciously snapped photographs for us tourists. I think our large group expanded his daily takings in a big way and we left him a generous tip for his efforts.

VANCOUVER, BC. CANADA.

Upon entering Canada we were pulled into the customs office to explain our large travelling group, not too much hassle except it was here I discovered that I "might" have problems getting back into the USA because my green card wasn't with my passport. Doh!!!!!
My options were:
A) Stay in the States.
B) Enter Canada and take a chance on not getting back in.

I elected to choose option B. There was no other choice really, I didn't want to miss the show and obviously as the van driver it was my fucking duty. Oh yeah, danger is my middle name.
We finally made it to Vancouver and the City was quite beautiful, we passed a stadium where the soon to be MLS team Vancouver Whitecaps were playing. The streets were filled with fans and I was quite impressed, just a pity we were short on time, I would have actually liked to have gone to watch Peter Beardsley's old team in action.
Our hotel was a right dump, definitely the worst one of the entire tour and situated in a shady part of town as well. Some dodgy homeless bloke was wandering the corridors checking the doors to guests rooms. I reported this to the desk clerk and he seemed completely uninterested, the twat.
We all rode to the venue in taxi's as I fancied a drink on the last night, big mistake, the first pint I sampled was a watered down Guinness. It was so foul that it put me off drinking for the rest of the evening.
The gig was ace, Earlimart thanked us for our support, we gave Aaron a barmy army shirt which he wore onstage. TWP paid tribute to us onstage and after the gig, we chatted with both bands and everyone posed for photo's.
We met legendary forumite Revs at this gig, he politely greeted us but we didn't see him again which was a shame, nice bloke, but I just think he was a bit shy. I'm sure (and hope) our paths will cross again one day.
The next morning we tearfully said our goodbyes. Harry, Kirk, Peter, Ian and Steph were flying out of Vancouver, while Cait, Keg, Kellie and I were driving back to L.A.
We hugged, took pictures, shed a few tears and then drove the "Jambo Coloured Beast" off in the morning sun, southbound back towards the USA.
At customs I embarrassingly confessed that I had forgot to bring my green card along on the trip.
My take on the matter is that they could just easily look me up on the computer, compare my CA ID, social security number and passport with my green card file and say "Oh yeah, that's you alright" and let me go, it would literally take 5 or 10 minutes.
Well that wasn't their take on it. We were "imprisoned" in some scruffy DHSS type office for three hours while I was bollocked, tortured and interrogated. Then I had to sign a form saying that I was a naughty boy and wouldn't do it again or I would get a massive fine.
Oh well, no harm done, at the end of the day if they had made it quick and easy I would have no motivation not to forget it again in the future and I realise that they were only doing their job.
Needless to say, I won't ever forget my green card again.
The plan was for me to drive through without stopping but by 1am I'd had enough and we booked into a cheap motel just outside California. Fortunately the room had three beds so Keg and Cait didn't have to bunk up.
I got us up all early at 7am and we were soon on the road again.
The drive home was fucking mind numbing, luckily for the passengers the DVD player kept them entertained.
We finally arrived back in Simi Valley at 9.30pm on Sunday night completely knackered.
The next morning I dispatched Cait and Keg off at LAX, we bade each other farewell and with that the barmy army tour was over.
I was kind of relieved that it over, all the driving had taken a bit of a toll on me, I was shagged and it was a bit stressful being somewhat in charge of 11 other adults.
But I was also extremely sad, we had a wonderful time, travelled with great people and had loads of fun. The shows were excellent as both bands played their hearts out.
I was even gutted to see the van returned, I had grown fond of that massive fucker during the previous two weeks.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Jessica and David, Terry, Chris and Graeme of The Wedding Present for making the tour possible and putting us on the guest list.
Earlimart for also welcoming us and being exceptionally friendly to us during the tour. Maybe they were scared of us and thought we were a group of middle aged stalkers not to be trifled with, either way they never let it be known. A special mention to Aaron for his piss poor British accent and for wearing a barmy army shirt onstage.
Thanks to the lovely people at Bandago.
A shout out to the many forumites who greeted us on the tour Kia, Nall and his lovely girlfriend, Fergal, Revs and anyone else who said hi, but I forgot about.
But most of all a big thanks to Kellie, Ian, Steph, Cait, Peter, Kirk, Marc, Harry, Keg and Phil. Thanks for coming along for the ride and contributing to the most enjoyable two weeks ever. The gigs were great but the best times were the touristy ventures, eating, drinking and just hanging out with you lot.
Fingers crossed for an east coast tour in 2010.

Rest In Peace Billy Mays.

Somewhere up in heaven Saint Peter just bought some Oxyclean.

David Gedge's Barmy Army (On tour with The Wedding Present part II)

Tour Set list: (It was pretty consistent with possibly a song change at 2 or 3 dates)

Kennedy
It's for you
Gone
Don't take me home until I'm drunk
You should always keep in touch with your friends
Lovenest
Blue Eyes
Palisades
Sports Car
Spiderman on Hollywood
Crawl
You turn me on
Granadaland
Interstate 5
My Favourite Dress
Nowhere Fast
Model, actress, whatever
The thing I like most about him is his girlfriend
Dalliance
Dare
Flying Saucer
Boo Boo

So on day 4 of the tour we had a day off, which gave me time to show the barmy army around and give them a Wedding Present type tour of Los Angeles/Hollywood.
Obviously we drove down Interstate 5, I took them onto Sunset and Hollywood Blvd, took Fountain and after a couple of pints treated them to some Santa Ana winds of my own. We also drove to the hotel featured on the cover of El Rey and the locals must have thought we were mental as we all stood there snapping photos of some shitty motel. As a treat we visited Amoeba Music where Harry spent about $500 (just kidding Anne) and then posed for a photo outside the Cinerama dome. The it was a drive by of all the venues TWP/Cinerama had played in L.A. and despite driving to Sweetzer and the Cat and Fiddle there were no Morrissey sightings for Ian and Steph.
We also tried to tour the Hollywood Forever Cemetery but it was closed as they were showing movies, only in Hollywood eh?

SAN FRANCISCO, CA.

The drive up to San Francisco was pretty uneventful, although we did finally suss out how to work the DVD player in the van.
The sensible amongst us checked into the Grant Hotel while the others were in a nicer hotel nearer to the venue. Unfortunately for them Peter had booked them in for wrong year, After much confusion and extra cost they eventually sorted it out.
The Great American Music Hall is a beautiful venue situated downtown in a complete dump, it made Brixton and Moss Side look posh, it was well dodgy.
Fortunately no one of us were really arsed and found some run down bar that even Charles Bukowski would have avoided. But the locals were friendly and very welcoming and insisted that we returned after the show, which we did.
The show was excellent, David jokingly remarked that the venue was a dump and I had probably the best night on the merchandise table. The San Fran locals sure like to buy stuff, must have been the ruggedly handsome sales person.
This was the gig that we first met our "enthusiastic follower" Green Beetle, she certainly kept us entertained on the road and took a real shine to Cait and especially the bass player from the Container Drivers.

We had another day off so we took in the sights of San Francisco, we took the cable car down to the wharf and paid for the Alcatraz tour. Obviously we all felt at home on a prison island (some more than others though, eh Cait?)
Afterwards we found the holy grail of all bars, an Irish pub/Indian curry house with a satellite jukebox that carried tons of WP and Cinerama and the place was called Kennedy's. We pretty much spent the rest of the day in there, thrilling the locals with our jukebox picks. The lads got pretty drunk and even tried there hand at chatting up some 18 year old beauty who was in there promoting St Pauli beer. Obviously none of them were successful, silly drunken old farts....

EUGENE, OR.

We set off early for Eugene as everyone wanted to see the Golden Gate Bridge and I had a brainwave that we should also take in the Redwoods.
Unfortunately this was where little scouse Phil and the group went their separate ways. Hugs, kisses and no bodily fluids were exchanged as dropped him off at SF Airport and dashed to the GG Bridge.
We stood around like tourists do, taking pictures and buying touristy shite like Golden Gate snow globes, Golden Gate ties, Golden Gate postcards, Golden Gate shirts and Golden Gate thimbles, they clearly saw us coming.
After a few hours we found ourselves at the Redwoods and ventured through the drive-thru tree, unfortunately the van was too big and wouldn't fit so we had to walk-thru.
This tourist attraction was run by the worlds meanest old woman, strangely enough though, they neglected to put that on the brochure.
Driving up to Eugene seemed to be taking forever and after calling ahead we found out we were three hours away with the show due to start in two hours. Of course this was estimated for a person driving at the legal speed limit. Well I didn't want to disappoint my guests so I basically drove the van like Sterling Moss on crack averaging a speed of 85 mph in the pitch black. We eventually got to the venue just before the starting time, parked up and walked through the doors just as Earlimart took the stage. I felt quite proud of myself until Kellie told me that we had forgot to bring our passports with us and wouldn't be able to get into Canada, oh bugger.
Anyway a quick call home fixed that and arrangements were made to have them sent via UPS to Jessica's mums house in Washington. So that was sorted, or so I thought, but more about that later.
The John Henry was a tiny dive bar and not even half full, maybe 60 people in there for the show. But I'll give them credit, once the barmy army got going they all rolled their sleeves up and joined in making for a really enjoyable gig.
A couple of our group thought they had copped off with some attractive young ladies, but met up with them later on only to find the chicks were looking for suckers to buy them drinks, as if we couldn't have guessed.

SEATTLE, WA.

We set off for Seattle the next morning stopping off first at Wanker's Corner for lunch (No really), we used this as a photo op, but we were a bit upset that they didn't sell t-shirts of the landmark.
Seattle was wonderful, we lucked out and ended up in a great hotel. Prior to the gig Harry, Kirk, Kellie and me went to see Irvine Welsh at a book signing, it was very entertaining but because it was getting late I blagged our way to the front of the line to meet him and get our books signed, the natives were restless.
At Nuemo's we met fellow forumite the charming Fergal, he gave us a few pointers for tourists and I even had the night off from merchandising as Jessica's mate took over for me.
It was a nice change and I actually got to enjoy the entire show from the foot of the stage, a cracking one it was too.
It must be mentioned at this point that Earlimart had really grown on us, they were a great band, lovely people and Aaron had taken to mentioning us each night onstage while using a fake British accent that seemed to get worse with each show.

PORTLAND, OR.

Due to a mix up in the tour schedule Portland and Seattle had to be switched which was a bit of a pain in the arse and cost us valuable gas money and less time to spend in Seattle.
But we still found time to have a little walk around and and visit the Space Needle before having to bid the BBC name dropper Marc goodbye. It was sad to see him go, but the bonus was with him and Phil gone we certainly had a lot more room in the van. We also the Cinerama movie theatre in downtown Seattle and all bought t-shirts, vowing to all wear them for the show that night in Portland.
The pecking order now in the van was that everyone got a chance to sit next to me in the passenger seat, although I preferred Ian because he was the best at giving directions. Directly behind was what became referred to as the "Ladies Lounge" where Steph, Kellie and Cait could sit closer to the screen and have a better view (ie: the back of my head). The lads in the back could now stretch out and have more room to avoid each others farts.
After a further mix up at the hotel which was fucking miles away from the venue, we had a little bit of tension before setting off for the gig. Once found parking was sparse so I gave some fat bloke on duty $20 to let us park in front of his motel.
The Doug Fir was easily the nicest venue on the tour, it was like a posh log cabin, the food was the best we ate the whole time there and the show was tip top as ever. Keg went missing for a while and we all worried that he had been chopped up and was in the trunk of a Volkswagen. We found him in one piece though and thankfully alive.
Portland was also the last time we saw forumite Nall and his lovely girlfriend, he had pretty much showed up at most dates along the way, the ladies in our group loved him because he is a hottie and the lads loved him coming along because his girlfriend was equal in the eye candy stakes.

To be continued...