ME AND MARK AT THE HOTEL.
A few months ago while following The Wedding Present to San Francisco we stayed overnight in San Jose.
I said to Mark that perhaps we could return when our adopted American footy team the LA Galaxy played the San Jose Earthquakes. It really didn't take much arm twisting and a weekend away was hastily planned.
I use the term "planned" loosely because of course Mark and I are both English. The planning consisted of checking when the weekend was, making sure it wasn't a weekend of me hosting my kids (it wasn't) and buying tickets for the match.
We bought our tickets via the lovely Edwards' (Steve and Karen) through the LA Riot Squad, then two weeks prior to the trip Mark booked a hotel room.
A done deal, if ever there was one.
The day of the trip came, we left Simi Valley at 4am (Yeah I know), and after a fairly uneventful trip, unless you count the hideous bogs at the gas station on the way up, we arrived at our hotel at about 9am.
Once there we discovered we couldn't check in until 1pm which was when the game kicked off.
"Oh well" I said, "we'll just drink our cooler dry and check in after the match"
We found a proper dive of a bar around the corner, but they sold Stella for $3.50 a pint so we decided to stay for a couple. I still needed a poo, but the bogs in here were no better than the one on the way up, so I abstained.
"I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER COOLER"
Back at the hotel we opened the cooler and were onto our 4th or 5th Bitburger when a cab full of Galaxy fans showed up. We greeted them and shared our beer.
Obviously our stash was meant for just me and Mark and didn't last much longer, so we sent out for more.
OUR NEW GALAXY SUPPORTING FRIENDS.
Stella, Sam Adams and a bottle of Jack Daniels appeared. The hotel manager let us check in early, I took a dump and before we knew it, we were well oiled and ready to leave for the match.
The Buck Shaw "Stadium" was pretty much a high school stadium. Well technically it was a college stadium, but I've been to high school American football games in Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley and they were both bigger than this place.
BUCK SHAW HIGH SCHOOL STADIUM.
Outside the "stadium" we congregated with the other Galaxy fans and engaged in a bit of chanting and banter directed at our opposing numbers. Plus I made the fatal error of high fiveing Galaxy fans as they disembarked from their bus.
The local plod (or at least one of them) took exception to this heinous crime and I was collared by the fattest cop I have ever laid my eyes on who also had the worst grasp of the English language ever.
"Step this way sir" He said "Show me your ID"
I gave him my drivers license.
"Do you know why I am talking to you?"
"No idea" I said
"Because you're the most loudest and most drunkest fan in the crowd"
I thought about asking him how exactly he could prove this, but decided against it.
He looked over my ID and then announced'
"Well Andrew, guess what? If I have to talk to you again I will arrest you"
"Sure" I answered, "but what exactly did I do that was wrong?"
"You have an open container" In fairness I did, but almost every other adult in the car park did.
"You were causing and obstruction and you made me notice you"
I felt like retorting that "It wasn't my fault that I was soooo handsome" but once again decided against it.
Football hooliganism has certainly come a long way since I followed Manchester City home and away in the 80's.
Anyway after having my collar felt, we entered the stadium.
We had been warned about wandering off by ourselves and stick in groups as the San Jose Ultras would be looking to pick us off.
Yeah I know, I nearly split my sides laughing at that one as well. Fuck me I've been to every rough arse shit hole ground in England with City and I'm expected to be on guard in San Jose.
The game was a bit shit, we lost 1-0, but we had a great laugh.
THE AWAY END.
FACE IN THE CROWD.
I chatted with a couple of Latino guys from the Galaxian group who had taken a shine to our "Simi Valley Galaxian on the piss" St George's flag.
"We won't disrespect your flag my friend I will put it on my wall, can we have it please?"
"No problem mate, it's yours. Just don't wash it or the writing will run as I did it with a felt tip"
They were well chuffed.
In the meantime Mark had buggered off with the flag and decided to put it up in the home end.
He got turfed out but somehow made it back with the flag and a San Jose Earthquakes badge.
THOSE LOCO GALAXIANS CHAPS WITH THEIR NEWLY ACQUIRED BANNER.
After the match the security decided to keep the Galaxy fans penned in, it felt like being back at home for an away game.
Of course I was having none of it and decided to leave anyway saying I lived locally.
The security downstairs didn't want me to leave though.
"You can't go out that way sir"
"Why?"
"You don't have the right credentials"
"What credentials do I need? Here's my ticket, it says I came in that gate, which means I'm going out that gate"
"Well the police don't want Galaxy fans going out that way because of the Ultras"
At this point I grabbed the nearest Earthquakes fan to me, hugged him and said,
"Look we lost, they won, I don't care, we all get along and I'm not really arsed by the San Jose Ultras"
"Okay then sir" he said "You can go, but it's at your own risk"
"Cheers" I shook his hand and walked through.
Of course even though the Ultras did sound a bit pathetic, I was alone and noticed a couple of stereotypical American skinhead types with Earthquake scarfs eyeing me up.
I just smiled, waved at them and carried on walking back to the hotel.
I noticed a few solo Galaxy fans looking nervous en route, so I gave them the thumbs up and said "Go LA" or something like that. The type of thing you say and gesture in order to reassure somebody that if it does kick off, you'll be their able and willing back up.
Of course I didn't want it to kick off, I had an enjoyable day and my shady footy past is well behind me, but if it did, I'd certainly be up for it.
Nothing happened, the most trouble I had was trying to decide what to order from the Jack in the Box next to the hotel. I settled for the mini sirloin burgers and the chicken sandwich. The chicken sandwich was shite, but the mini sirloin burgers were surprisingly good. I'll try them again sometime.
Mark and the rest of our group showed up at the hotel with a few extras in tow.
We made plans to go downtown for another piss up, but Mark was pretty wrecked so in the end I stayed in the hotel while he slept it off.
As much as I wanted a few more pints I really couldn't leave Mark on his own as he's a mate and you never know what could happen.
The next morning I woke up early, had a jacuzzi, went for a walk, ate some brekkie and then made Mark put the footy on. Entertaining enough match, United chucked it away by missing an undeserved penalty kick and letting in a late goal.
On the trip home I discovered that my voice had gone, it didn't return until three days later. I guess that was Kellie's reward for allowing me a weekend away.
All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable weekend, can't wait to it again next season with possibly Seattle, Salt Lake and Portland thrown in.
