Yeah I recycle, so what?
I'm not any kind of tree hugger or environmentalist, I just recycle our bottles and cans because Kellie makes me.
Let me tell you though, it's a tedious task.
After weeks of storing bottles and cans in the garage, constantly tripping over bagfuls of them in a quest to do laundry or find tools, I take them to the local recycling centre in Simi Valley.
I suppose this is looked upon as a noble thing, but let me tell you, it's a pain in the arse.
I (not Kellie) has to lug them in the car, drive over there, carry them to the check out and have to stand for what seems like hours and often in the blazing sun and wait my turn in line.
If you thought you run into the dregs of society at the DMV or social security office, then you clearly do not recycle. You might imagine that you would meet like minded hipster people as you try to save the planet. Beautiful, young and "green" types who drive Prius' and listen to great music. How wrong you are, it's full of immigrants (I'm one, so I can say that) and often smelly homeless types who root through the trash cans at the park in order to get money to buy whatever shit alcohol they drink.
So you stand in line, sweating and bored out of your skull, so you can put your bottles and cans into the machine one by one in order to save the planet and get your "refund" back, it's sooooo fucking mundane. This takes forever and the most annoying thing is when the machine rejects certain bottles and brands. I don't know what it is, but my local recycling centre hates any Fresh and Easy store brand bottles and just refuses to accept Fosters bitter cans. Fucking recycling fascist!!!!!
Bottles and cans, the bane of my fucking life.
And for all my troubles today I received the princely sum of $15.74.
It's always pay outs like this:
$17.22.....
$19.07.....
$12.48.....
$14.85..... or other such random totals.
It pretty much amounts to piracy, they make you pay a deposit when you buy a soda, beer or water. Then it's up to you if you get it back or not. To top things off, if you choose to put your bottles and cans in your recycling bin at home for the trash company to collect, you even have to pay a monthly fee for your city to haul this shit away on something they'd actually make money off. It feels like it should be illegal, but it's not.
In some recently made mafia movies or TV shows such as The Sopranos, the mob boss is often listed as employed in "waste management" in order to fool the feds. Coincidence? I think not.
It's not even like they even hand you the cash at the recycling centre, they give you a coupon and then I have to make the walk of shame to Ralph's next door in order to get the money.
So is it worth it? Is it fuck, I'd actually pay somebody $20 (or more) to come and take this "trash" out of the garage every month or so and bury them at the local landfill.
Like I said, Kellie makes me do it, I'd refuse but that would be a bigger hassle than the recycling chore.
In short, I'm not really arsed about saving the planet or the small change I get back. I do it for a peaceful life and for harmony in the bedroom.
Other than that, tree huggers can give my arse and environmentalists can go and get fucked.
